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Jun. 2nd, 2021 05:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cinnamonandpancakesThis past year has been very odd for me. I imagine it's been very odd for everyone, but I like to labour under the delusion that it's been odd for me in a way that is different to everyone else.
I finished my Bachelors degree last year, in the middle of a depressive episode that, if I'm honest with myself, I still have at least one foot in. It had always been my plan to continue on to do a Masters but instead I took time out because, well, shit's wack out there...
Anyway, now I feel kinda... weird? About applying. I got lower grades than I was hoping for because I was depressed and forgot to do a bunch of work and I know that if I apply to work with my old supervisor who has offered me a project then I would have to be willing to pull myself together and work really hard at not falling back into this hole lmao.
This might possibly be the universe telling me to Get Medicated TM and I should probably go talk to my doctor about it because I know once I start a research project then I love it but the hurdle to getting to that point is my own internal inertia of fear and crushing tiredness.
I don't think it helps that I've been doing work helping out my mum's small business that I'm really not enjoying and that stresses me out a bunch. I'm good at it, but that doesn't mean I want to be doing it.
Originally I was going to do some travelling this past year. Obviously, this has not happened. I was also unable to get a full time job. I know it's not really about me, lots of people apply for positions all the time and you can't get every one, but it does feel bad that so many of them didn't even write back to me. As much as it has been nice to be able to play video games and do fannish activities on the interwebs, I like having a structure. I don't think I'd be any good at freelancing. Though, perhaps I should try. It would be good to have some sort of income that isn't linked in to my family, yanno? I think I'd be better able to put my foot down and exert my boundaries if I could say 'I'm going to be doing xyz money-making activity at that time' rather than be like 'oh, well, I was going to sit in my room and stare at the internet...'
Anyway, yeah, I'm sorry to all those who follow me on various socmed where I'm just Hella Quiet at the moment, for some reason it's just easiest to talk on Twitter at the moment, which is wild considering that I started Twitter being like 'NOBODY TALK TO ME EVER'. It's all about the barriers to doing stuff being Real Low on the app.
I finished my Bachelors degree last year, in the middle of a depressive episode that, if I'm honest with myself, I still have at least one foot in. It had always been my plan to continue on to do a Masters but instead I took time out because, well, shit's wack out there...
Anyway, now I feel kinda... weird? About applying. I got lower grades than I was hoping for because I was depressed and forgot to do a bunch of work and I know that if I apply to work with my old supervisor who has offered me a project then I would have to be willing to pull myself together and work really hard at not falling back into this hole lmao.
This might possibly be the universe telling me to Get Medicated TM and I should probably go talk to my doctor about it because I know once I start a research project then I love it but the hurdle to getting to that point is my own internal inertia of fear and crushing tiredness.
I don't think it helps that I've been doing work helping out my mum's small business that I'm really not enjoying and that stresses me out a bunch. I'm good at it, but that doesn't mean I want to be doing it.
Originally I was going to do some travelling this past year. Obviously, this has not happened. I was also unable to get a full time job. I know it's not really about me, lots of people apply for positions all the time and you can't get every one, but it does feel bad that so many of them didn't even write back to me. As much as it has been nice to be able to play video games and do fannish activities on the interwebs, I like having a structure. I don't think I'd be any good at freelancing. Though, perhaps I should try. It would be good to have some sort of income that isn't linked in to my family, yanno? I think I'd be better able to put my foot down and exert my boundaries if I could say 'I'm going to be doing xyz money-making activity at that time' rather than be like 'oh, well, I was going to sit in my room and stare at the internet...'
Anyway, yeah, I'm sorry to all those who follow me on various socmed where I'm just Hella Quiet at the moment, for some reason it's just easiest to talk on Twitter at the moment, which is wild considering that I started Twitter being like 'NOBODY TALK TO ME EVER'. It's all about the barriers to doing stuff being Real Low on the app.
